This Paradox

6 days.

6 days left in Uganda.

It’s terrible…

And wonderful.

What a gift it’s been, everyday. What an incredible gift that God’s given in this season. To truly live with these people, learn from these people, and love these people. To explore this place, not only alone… but with my best friend, boyfriend, sister. To give everything and gain everything.

What a wondrous thing.

There’s no place I can go that they won’t go with me.

Every moment I carry these experiences with me. It’s a part of who I am now. I carry the names of children on my back. I carry the gifts, the love, the sacrifice. There’s no dropping these memories off.

I want these ones. Forever.

The paradox of going home is simple and complex. It’s terrible, and wonderful.

Terrible thinking about leaving a place so rich. Terrible saying goodbye. Terrible learning how to keep time again. Terrible not knowing when I’ll return. Terrible giving up Novida, and pineapple, and matooke.

But wonderful. Wonderful entrusting each in the hands of God. Wonderful knowing they’re full. Wonderful seeing my boyfriend and friends and family. Wonderful knowing I will be back.

I’ll never truly be able to explain this feeling.

This utter feeling of sadness and joy. This emptying of tears and this fullness of peace. This laughter amongst wiping the snot away.

And I’ve realized it’s okay to feel both.

Saying they “changed me” is cliché. But, I’m truly a better person for having experienced life with them.

I’m a better person for having lived with them.