This Paradox

6 days.

6 days left in Uganda.

It’s terrible…

And wonderful.

What a gift it’s been, everyday. What an incredible gift that God’s given in this season. To truly live with these people, learn from these people, and love these people. To explore this place, not only alone… but with my best friend, boyfriend, sister. To give everything and gain everything.

What a wondrous thing.

There’s no place I can go that they won’t go with me.

Every moment I carry these experiences with me. It’s a part of who I am now. I carry the names of children on my back. I carry the gifts, the love, the sacrifice. There’s no dropping these memories off.

I want these ones. Forever.

The paradox of going home is simple and complex. It’s terrible, and wonderful.

Terrible thinking about leaving a place so rich. Terrible saying goodbye. Terrible learning how to keep time again. Terrible not knowing when I’ll return. Terrible giving up Novida, and pineapple, and matooke.

But wonderful. Wonderful entrusting each in the hands of God. Wonderful knowing they’re full. Wonderful seeing my boyfriend and friends and family. Wonderful knowing I will be back.

I’ll never truly be able to explain this feeling.

This utter feeling of sadness and joy. This emptying of tears and this fullness of peace. This laughter amongst wiping the snot away.

And I’ve realized it’s okay to feel both.

Saying they “changed me” is cliché. But, I’m truly a better person for having experienced life with them.

I’m a better person for having lived with them.

Thank You

Let me tell you how God does things.

I cannot comprehend it, but I refuse to allow my lack of understanding prevent me from telling His story.

If you remember my post from June 1^st, I shared that I felt God calling me to stay in Uganda longer than expected.  I just wasn’t sure how I could make it work. It was actually a very scary decision; one that I believed would affect all aspects of my life. And it did, just not the way I expected.

I sent my boss an email explaining the situation and asked if he wanted me to write a resignation letter. He said there would be no need for that. They would keep me as inactive and give me my job back when I return.

I had to change my plane ticket. I tried changing it through Delta, then through Orbitz, but they wouldn’t allow it. “There are no more flights matching that exact route. You’ll have to purchase a new ticket.” At that point, tickets were $1,200. One way. Money I don’t have. On a last resort call to KLM airlines, they granted a date change for a fee of only $300.

Someone told me that they didn’t know how, but believed that in 24 hours I would have $50 more than I did before. 12 hours later, I received double from somewhere that I still can't explain.  A week later, I met a new friend here. In a short amount of time, she wanted to give me $1,000. More than enough to cover my stay for the next month.  Our organization did a rescue and we needed funds to provide for them. I messaged specific people that I knew would pray and support, which is exactly what they did. We raised $250 in less than 2 days. A child in Kyampisi got Chicken Pox. God provided the money for his injections and medicine.  My sister decided to come to Africa. God moved a dentist to provide toothbrushes, toothpaste, and floss to bring with her. People are donating shirts and blankets and books. It’s honestly unreal.

I think the most beautiful thing is seeing God’s people move as they’re called.

So this blog is just to thank you.

Thank you for believing in and investing in these people.

Opportunities to Bless

I just quit my job. 

I was working at a facility in Minneapolis where I cared for individuals who have a severe mental illness (mostly Paranoid Schizophrenia and Bipolar Disorder) and a co-occuring addiction. I absolutely loved working with those fighting everyday to protect their sobriety and live a life meaningful to them. 

But, I just turned in my letter of resignation. 

They gave me 7 weeks off this summer. I used my vacation for the whole year and then some. I thought it would be enough for a trip to Uganda. "God can do all He wants to in one day, let alone 7 weeks." But He has other plans. 

Some say I'm "brave." Most say I'm an idiot. 

But, how could I leave when I know God's commanding me to stay?

Truthfully, I'm not sure how I'll make it work. $300 to change my flight, not including the fees I'll incur while staying with KCM until August. Realistically, I need at least $1,500 to make this work. I'm not concerned. I'm challenged. 

If God could get me here, He can keep me here. I'm excited to see again what He always does. 

Along with this, I put together a short list of needs that I've noticed in Kyampisi in the last few weeks. This is an opportunity to give; to bring love to a place you may never physically touch. If you can't give, share so that others can give. No matter what you do, pray for us. 

1. 40 chairs for Kyampisi Community Church - Currently we have chairs for half of the people in our church. Attendance has risen exponentially in the last year and we're out of chairs. People are now sitting on wooden school desks that we bring in. Each chair costs approximately 20,000 shillings or $7 making it a total of $280. You can buy them all, or even just a few. 

2. New chalkboards for Kyampisi Childcare Academy - I'll post a picture of what the chalkboards currently look like, but they're barely in shape to write anything on them. Simple chalkboards run for about 100,000 shillings here, meaning $34 USD each. 

3. 3 Luganda Bibles - I came across a small Bible study within the church that meets every week to pray and study scripture together. There are only 2 women out of 5 in the group that have Bibles. The leader said she writes down some scriptures for them every week so that they have the Word in some form. Bibles are 30,000 shillings, or about $11 USD each. 

4. Filing Cabinet - I was in Peter's (our Director's) office this morning, and saw how much he personally would benefit from having a filing cabinet to place all of his important documents and files in. These run at about 300,000 shillings or about $100 USD.

5. Internet Router - Our team is relocating our offices from Kampala (the capital) to the small village we work in in rural Eastern Uganda. Peter (our director) has felt a calling from God to be directing in the village we are working out of. I love his vision for this, but it's difficult. As we slowly transition, we realize we need some things. Internet is essential to doing the work we do and currently in Kyampisi we don't have it. I'm not sure how much a new one would cost, but if this is something you feel called to help with, let me know and I'll be in touch. 

6. The Wedding - There will be a wedding at our church on July 25th. 3 couples from our congregation have come forward and asked to be married. God's convicted them and encouraged them to take this leap of faith as they've become leaders in the church. There's a various list of things that we need to make this wedding happen, a cow, cement, cake, chairs, traditional gowns... at various prices. We will have people from all over Uganda here to visit and we want to make sure it's as special as we can make it for these couples. 

There are multiple ways you can give. If you'd like to give to me personally, I can give you an account number to drop the funds into, or you can go to my personal gofundme account. As for the church, on our website "www.kyampisi.org," you can give through Givlet under our Get Involved tab. Be aware - our site is under construction at the moment. 

Thank you to each person who has given even one dollar and has prayed even one prayer. We could not do the work we do without you. 

Waiting

While praying for this time around in Uganda, God gave me two words over and over:

"Be present."

"But God, I'm always present."

After I mutter those words, I laugh at myself. Alexus, you're never present.

The reality of the Western culture is that a majority of us never live in the present. We are concerned about the past, or anxious about the future. That person we pass on the street that we haven't seen in years? We tell them it's "good to see" them and run off to our next meeting.

I am so guilty of this.

Living in America has taught me to be time orientated; and while that has given me an abundance of professional opportunities, I lose all the time I've "saved" when I don't live in the present.

Even while I'm here in Uganda, my American instincts kick in:

"What time are we leaving?"
"What time are we getting back?"
"When is that meeting?"
"How long will it take?"
"What internship will I take this fall?"
"How much money do I need to make in order to match my school payments?"

Until Uganda gives me a gentle slap, reminding me to be where I am.

I don't want to miss these moments. Every step I take on a red, dirt road needs to be intentional. Every person I talk to deserves my time regardless of what I need to do next. Every moment I spend waiting, is a moment I can look around and thank God for placing me where I am.

Nothing is wasted in time spent waiting.